I ask the question in the title of this post because I've recently been "accused" of be just that! It started a couple weekends ago when I met this woman who I've just recently become romantically involved with, outside a show downtown. The show was over and a friend of mine and I were getting ready to head to an after party when I turned around and there she was, so I introduced myself and invited her and her friend to the party and gave her my number. They said they would show up but didnt. So the next day when I woke up, I logged on to Facebook and found that she had sent me a message saying that she was sorry she didnt show up, that her "shitty friend" didnt want to go. She also said that she thought I was really cute and that she was "stalking" me on Facebook. So I sent her a friend request and my number (again) so it would be easier for her to "stalk" me! I also said she could "stalk" me in person if she'd like. She responded saying "she'd like"! So throughout the rest of the week we continued exchanging messages as well as texts and decided to have a "date" the following Friday, which basically continued into the weekend! It was an awesome weekend by the way!
Which brings me to the point of this post. So far, she and I are hitting it off really well, like really into one another and all that. And as usual, when it comes to me and women, naturally, "it's complicated" due to circumstances and situations on her end (story of my fucking life, haha!). We have a great time together and really enjoy one another's company as well as the intimacy, however, she's had a rough go of things over the last few years and tends to wallow in negativity and accept bullshit as well as frequently cut herself down. Obvious self esteem issues, but hey, we all have them to some degree or another, right?! Anyway, my reaction to all that is to tell her the complete opposite (the truth, as a matter of fact!) and point out all the wonderful and good attributes about her as well as let her know how I feel about her, and I know she loves it, despite herself! At one point she laughingly told me, "See?!? you're all positive, and Im all negative, I don't know how you can stand to be around me!". So I went on to explain to her, like Im doing here in this blog, that there was a time when I wallowed in negativity, self destruction and self pity, and it really got me nowhere but miserable, angry and depressed! And I've come to realize, that life is pretty fucking short in the grand scheme of things, and that suffering is optional. Our time in this world is limited so why go through it miserable! Basically for me, I got fucking sick of feeling like shit all the time! Sometimes in life, we run into obstacles, be that people, places, situations, etc. that test our patience and challenge our abilities as well as distract and and stress us out. And yes, some of these things are, or can be, painful emotionally, psychologically and even occasionally physically! But that doesnt mean we have to fucking curl up and die! For everyone, there are some things that are just simply unacceptable! As for myself, my way of dealing with the unacceptable is to step up and walk through it! It's just a matter of taking that first step, so-to-speak. And yes, I know that's easier said than done, however, you have no one to blame but yourself if you don't at least TRY and make your situation(s) better! Sometimes it's painful at first, but a lot of the time, I've found that most of those things werent nearly as painful or hopeless as I anticipated, and after doing what needed to be done, I feel so much more content, and dare I say, happy! Yes, life can be a bitch, and who the fuck ever said it was easy anyway! We all have our ups and downs, trials and tribulations and unfortunately, regrets! Just part of life, but one thing I've learned on a personal level, is that one of the worst things in life is to look back on a once potentially amazing situation that never happened because we didnt reach out and grab it and end up wondering, "what if" or "what could have been"! I will go out of my fucking way to avoid that! Fuck letting fear and doubt hold you back or keeping you from happiness and the things you desire! At least try! Change can be scary and sometimes a bit painful, but the rewards can be exhilarating! It took me a long time to realize and figure that out. SO whatever time I have left in this world, Im going to do the best I can to make the most of it. SO yeah, does that make me "positive"?
