"Congratulating a man for staying sober is like congratulating a man for running out of a burning building" Anonymous
Being sober is kinda "my thing" these days, in other words, I'm digging it! However, like everything else, it does come with it's own set of, for lack of a better word, "dilemmas". Living and maintaining a sober lifestyle isn't exactly easy in this day and age, particularly in my circles. Hell, in any circles for that matter, people drink and do drugs from all walks of life, from the skid row bums looking down on you while laying in the gutter, to the rich and powerful CEO's looking down on you from their high rise office towers, and all those other types and walks of life in between.
I've been through this before, and in less than a month I'll be once again approaching that "18 month mile stone", which, other than making mention of it in this blog and a select few, I will be keeping it to myself for the most part, due to a particular dilemma that I've blogged about before regarding the "congratulations" thing that I take great issue with. My attitude about that still hasn't changed, in fact my resolve has only strengthened as far as that goes.
There's also the dilemma of the 12 step group AA. When I decided to get sober back in 2001, I was a hopeless mess of a pariah and it was really helpful and pulling me from the dank pit I had fallen into. However, everything has a dark side, and I began feeling alienated to the point that I couldn't stand to be around most of those people before I left and eventually picked that "rock 'n roll lifestyle" minus the dope shooting. When I came back to AA the second time around in 2012, instead a few years, it only took me a few months to get those feelings of disgust and alienation that I felt back then. The difference is this time around I'm able walk into the rooms confidently and knowing what's up, instead of freaked out, shell shocked, insecure and shy like the first couple years in the early 2000's. I still occasionally go to a meeting, but halfway through tend to struggle to not get up and leave. When I reached my one year anniversary I went to three that week, and kept silent even though there was a few people in the rooms that were aware of my milestone. Another dilemma I have with AA is I have friends that are struggling with their own alcoholism that occasionally contact me asking about AA, and if I go/went to meetings. Most of these friends live out of town, but I'm not going to lie to them and if they were here and wanted to utilize AA and wanted my help, I would most definitely go with them, Hell, I would even sponsor them, at least temporarily if need be, regardless of my attitudes. I stick with the basic concept of one alcoholic helping another one day at a time.
There's also the dilemma of the 12 step group AA. When I decided to get sober back in 2001, I was a hopeless mess of a pariah and it was really helpful and pulling me from the dank pit I had fallen into. However, everything has a dark side, and I began feeling alienated to the point that I couldn't stand to be around most of those people before I left and eventually picked that "rock 'n roll lifestyle" minus the dope shooting. When I came back to AA the second time around in 2012, instead a few years, it only took me a few months to get those feelings of disgust and alienation that I felt back then. The difference is this time around I'm able walk into the rooms confidently and knowing what's up, instead of freaked out, shell shocked, insecure and shy like the first couple years in the early 2000's. I still occasionally go to a meeting, but halfway through tend to struggle to not get up and leave. When I reached my one year anniversary I went to three that week, and kept silent even though there was a few people in the rooms that were aware of my milestone. Another dilemma I have with AA is I have friends that are struggling with their own alcoholism that occasionally contact me asking about AA, and if I go/went to meetings. Most of these friends live out of town, but I'm not going to lie to them and if they were here and wanted to utilize AA and wanted my help, I would most definitely go with them, Hell, I would even sponsor them, at least temporarily if need be, regardless of my attitudes. I stick with the basic concept of one alcoholic helping another one day at a time.
I guess another dilemma would be trying to not come off self righteous about the whole sober thing, which believe it or not, I do try to be sensitive to. Well, not with everyone, cause well, fuck everyone, just certain people. Truth be told, since I've sobered up nearly 18 months ago, my social life, as well as my social circles, have decreased dramatically, which isn't really a bad thing, and I'm not by any means crying over, it's just something I felt was pertinent to this topic of discussion. It's not so much that I've lost friends over it, if anything I've gained, and in some cases, regained the respect of some of them, and those times when I do get out to a show or party where the booze is flowing, I can get a certain degree of inspiration from them by watching their insecurities fade and their personalities blossom in the early part of the festivities till it peaks and slowly or rapidly begins to unravel and conversation gets sloppy, judgement fails, tempers flair, stomachs churn, consciousness goes, etc. I don't miss any of that, The hangovers and DT's, the embarrassment and confusion, the mystery bruises, the regrettable hookups and those are just the basics! I went way beyond the basics, but I've written, discussed and blogged plenty about that already. Regardless, I believe I have a pretty healthy attitude about being sober. I have no problem being around people that drink, feel completely comfortable in bars so I'm all good in all that aspect.
Then there that silly little label called "straight edge"... I'll say right here that there's no fucking way in hell I would ever identify as "straight edge". In fact, fuck straight edge, that's something that started off with good intentions but evolved into some serious bullshit that I want no part of, I actually take offense when someone refers to me as straight edge, but they're lucky I'm sober, cause if I was drunk I'd probably punch them in the mouth for calling me that, instead I rationally explain the difference... even though they're complete fucking morons. Oh well. Dilemmas....
