The deal was I got fed up and disgusted with all the petty, shallow, self-absorbed, narcissistic, know-it-all(know nothing) fucking losers that make up every music based scene in this city as well as what appeared to be most everywhere else around the country, but since I live here in Albuquerque, this is where I was being immediately affected, therefore this is where the "eye of the storm" was, so-to-speak and that includes them all, be it punk, skin, goth, metal, rockabilly, etc.
I'd grown so tired of everyone's fucking drama and listening to and observing their non-stop back-stabbing and constant and needless cruelty to one another. I would log on to Facebook everyday and read their posts and find myself constantly asking myself , "Why the fuck am I friends with these people?!?"
All these assholes were just a bunch of fucking "chumps and nobodys" with over-inflated egos based on half-assed bullshit and from my observations, seemed to be attempting to take credit for "pioneering" ideas that had been done by folks at least a couple decades prior. Also, their personalities and self-worth are based on how much drugs and alcohol they have in their bloodstreams, but once that starts that fade away I couldn't help but notice how many of them would be reduced to the crashing bores or the pathetic, insecure, whiny bitches that they really are until someone gave them more... Then at the same time they (the goth crowd) had the nerve to refer to themselves as such ridiculous things things like "hot messes", which was laughable at best considering they were buried under caked on makeup, usually flabby (if not just fat, nothing against fat people, but it's the truth) and usually either still drunk from the prior evening or delusional from the logic that comes from methamphetamine. Pathetic indeed...
For me, my problem with the local punk scene was the upsurge of needless violence and bonehead-like behavior that was suddenly reemerging due to the presence of a newly transplanted, internationally known band that became a local. I don't have a problem with skinheads in general and get along fine with them as a whole, as I go back with a number of the local old timers but I was not liking what I was seeing over the past several months at shows, including some sketchy shit I witnessed on the dance floor at one show that I promoted that my band played in May and a very violent show headlined by The Business a few weeks later, which that one I believe was pretty much the final straw for me. All the bullshit I saw and heard that night, if it wasn't for the fact that my band had one more show commitment that was a month away, I likely would have started this exile thing much sooner. I find it rather appalling the way selective people at particular venues are pretty much allowed to get away with fucked up and douchebag behavior while others are beaten down and tossed out, all depending on if you're connected to, or friends with the staff at that venue... And if you are connected, they stand around with their beers and joke about starting shit about chasing touring bands out of town "back in the day", or some small minded skinhead talks shit about how much he hates punk rockers at a fucking punk show and starts shit with people every five minutes and yet, doesn't get tossed out cause he goes back a few years with the staff while an unknown does for a minor infraction... yeah, awesome "scene" we have here. It seems that I'm just at odds with the entire scene in this fucking city in terms of what's acceptable and what's not, and it appears that's it's a losing battle that's simply not worth my time anymore. And if that's the way it is, then fuck it, fuck them and their pathetic, loser fucking "scene", they can have it. I'm done.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not just some sniveling crybaby that sits around bitching about shit. Since I've been back in this city, I've been putting on shows here and there around town, helping out out other bands(local and touring)get gigs, I've created a contact list that's proven to be quite useful in securing gigs for both locals and touring bands alike, not to mention my own band as well that has established itself and played numerous shows around town over the last two and a half years. I feel that I've definitely gone above and beyond and I've done it out of love for the what I do without asking for anything in return other than hoping everyone involved that shows up and participates enjoys themselves, has fun and respects all that goes into it. I've never done any of it for profit, but if I made a few bucks, cool, and if not, no worries either. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that was understood.
It's all pretty much bullshit. Fuck them all. I'm serious, it was driving me nuts! I was getting so aggravated and depressed by the day to the point to where I wanted to either cave someone's fucking skull in or put a fucking bullet through my head. So the next best solution was to simply remove myself from it all. My band, A.P.D played our last show on July 11th, that night after the show, I came home, deleted my old Facebook account and severed all contact and ties with everyone but a select few in this city, but even with them I only communicate with virally and I see no one. It's actually been working out great. After nearly three months, I'm finally getting some sort of peace of mind.
I've also noticed that time seems to have slowed down as well. Maybe that's the secret to it, when you stop paying attention to what everyone else is doing and all the drama and bullshit going on around comes with it and just focusing inward and doing your own thing. I mean REALLY doing your own thing.
To be completely honest, the first month was pretty rough. I was pretty depressed, I mean I didn't really have much going on or any outlets left after that. I wasn't working, I no longer had a band, didn't have any friends (Still don't really, but no worries...) or anyone to talk to. I pretty much just sat in my room all day surfing the web, watching movies or just sulking. I'm not gonna lie, the pistol that I keep under one of my pillows, I spent a lot of time thinking of some pretty elaborate ways and scenarios to turn it on myself. I'm not sure the exact time frame, but one day I just snapped out of it and decided I'm not gonna let any of those fucks drive me to such extremes, and just keep on keeping on. Self pity to that extreme has never really been my style anyway and I guess I just had to ride it out, pretty much like kicking dope in a way. I feel like I've made great strides at this point and things seem to be definitely looking up. My state of mind has vastly improved, and I'll be starting a new job in about three weeks as well if I can stay out of trouble between now and then. Anyway, that's the pretty much the scenario of what lead up this "exile". I do have a new Facebook page, but I have less that 80 friends, all selectively chosen, only a small handful reside in Albuquerque, the rest are old and dear friends that live in other cities and states that I rarely get to see and may never get to see again that I want to stay in touch with.
As for everyone else that I've left behind and washed my hands of, it's not so much that I hate them, but I don't need to be friends with them on the computer, I figure if they have my phone number, and are actually interested in my friendship or concerned about how I'm doing or what I'm up to, they can make the effort, otherwise whatever, I'm not losing any sleep over it. And that pretty much works for me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not just some sniveling crybaby that sits around bitching about shit. Since I've been back in this city, I've been putting on shows here and there around town, helping out out other bands(local and touring)get gigs, I've created a contact list that's proven to be quite useful in securing gigs for both locals and touring bands alike, not to mention my own band as well that has established itself and played numerous shows around town over the last two and a half years. I feel that I've definitely gone above and beyond and I've done it out of love for the what I do without asking for anything in return other than hoping everyone involved that shows up and participates enjoys themselves, has fun and respects all that goes into it. I've never done any of it for profit, but if I made a few bucks, cool, and if not, no worries either. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that was understood.
It's all pretty much bullshit. Fuck them all. I'm serious, it was driving me nuts! I was getting so aggravated and depressed by the day to the point to where I wanted to either cave someone's fucking skull in or put a fucking bullet through my head. So the next best solution was to simply remove myself from it all. My band, A.P.D played our last show on July 11th, that night after the show, I came home, deleted my old Facebook account and severed all contact and ties with everyone but a select few in this city, but even with them I only communicate with virally and I see no one. It's actually been working out great. After nearly three months, I'm finally getting some sort of peace of mind.
I've also noticed that time seems to have slowed down as well. Maybe that's the secret to it, when you stop paying attention to what everyone else is doing and all the drama and bullshit going on around comes with it and just focusing inward and doing your own thing. I mean REALLY doing your own thing.
To be completely honest, the first month was pretty rough. I was pretty depressed, I mean I didn't really have much going on or any outlets left after that. I wasn't working, I no longer had a band, didn't have any friends (Still don't really, but no worries...) or anyone to talk to. I pretty much just sat in my room all day surfing the web, watching movies or just sulking. I'm not gonna lie, the pistol that I keep under one of my pillows, I spent a lot of time thinking of some pretty elaborate ways and scenarios to turn it on myself. I'm not sure the exact time frame, but one day I just snapped out of it and decided I'm not gonna let any of those fucks drive me to such extremes, and just keep on keeping on. Self pity to that extreme has never really been my style anyway and I guess I just had to ride it out, pretty much like kicking dope in a way. I feel like I've made great strides at this point and things seem to be definitely looking up. My state of mind has vastly improved, and I'll be starting a new job in about three weeks as well if I can stay out of trouble between now and then. Anyway, that's the pretty much the scenario of what lead up this "exile". I do have a new Facebook page, but I have less that 80 friends, all selectively chosen, only a small handful reside in Albuquerque, the rest are old and dear friends that live in other cities and states that I rarely get to see and may never get to see again that I want to stay in touch with.
As for everyone else that I've left behind and washed my hands of, it's not so much that I hate them, but I don't need to be friends with them on the computer, I figure if they have my phone number, and are actually interested in my friendship or concerned about how I'm doing or what I'm up to, they can make the effort, otherwise whatever, I'm not losing any sleep over it. And that pretty much works for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment