I've heard all the typical cliches and other bullshit spewing out of the mouths of friends and others that I thought were friends and just people that it turned out that I didn't really give a flying fuck about after all. Anyway, one of the cliches I'm speaking of for example is this typical tough guy/gal wannabe classic, "I thought I'd be dead before 25", which is a fucking joke considering, if memory serves me correctly (and I have an amazing memory), most of these turkeys did not grow up in squalor or the kind of American neighborhoods that would be comparable to say, the Gaza Strip, which would justify their claims. No, almost all of them came from more or less, the same type of middle to upper-middle class American households of various dysfunction and income. And we all pretty much did the typical teenage "experimentation" to varying degrees as well.
I personally, have never made such an absurd statement, as I came from a pretty straight up, middle class background. Truth is, I just never thought that far ahead, back then. The thought of thinking much past the next week or so would kinda freak me out, so I avoided it altogether, and this was all through my adolescence.
As I entered my twenties, I was living the whole "rock 'n roll life style" and had gained a pretty self-destructive and nihilistic approach to how I went about my day to day way of life. I didn't really give a shit about tomorrow or the next day or the next year for that matter. For all my bullshit and arrogance, I pretty much lived in the moment and couldn't be bothered with such silly concerns about dying, even though as I started getting deeper into drugs and other shadier endeavors, looking back, yes, I can see now, literally hundreds of times how easily that (ugh!) "coulda been me", but it wasn't, so who fucking cares.
Truth be told, I'm not all that worried about or afraid of dying. It's not for any spiritual bullshit, like I have "nothing to fear because I know where I'm going" kind of rhetoric, because I happen to be one of "the faithless", but I'm not an asshole about it either. I mean if someone's religious beliefs are comforting and it's working for them, and they're not hurting or oppressing others with their beliefs, then fucking awesome, that's great, more power to them! It's those pushy fuck nuggets that irritate the piss out of me, but I'm not gonna go on a big rant about that either because there's really not much, if anything, that I can say about the subject that hasn't been said before, if not better and more articulate, so I'll leave it at that and hope that anyone who may actually read this gets the idea.
Truth be told, I'm not all that worried about or afraid of dying. It's not for any spiritual bullshit, like I have "nothing to fear because I know where I'm going" kind of rhetoric, because I happen to be one of "the faithless", but I'm not an asshole about it either. I mean if someone's religious beliefs are comforting and it's working for them, and they're not hurting or oppressing others with their beliefs, then fucking awesome, that's great, more power to them! It's those pushy fuck nuggets that irritate the piss out of me, but I'm not gonna go on a big rant about that either because there's really not much, if anything, that I can say about the subject that hasn't been said before, if not better and more articulate, so I'll leave it at that and hope that anyone who may actually read this gets the idea.
I suppose in a way, it's a little bit strange to me when I meet younger people in their late teens and into their twenties who have never known anyone other than an elderly relative that's died. I recall starting to attend rosaries and funerals at a very young age, as well as my first real peer being killed by a drunk when he was only fourteen, and from that point on I became, for the most part, desensitized to it as there more or less seemed to always be a steady number of people around my age or younger that would die from one thing or another . Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't like I would assume being some gangbanger living in South Central LA (for example)seeing my "homeboys" gunned down every week either, but I would guess that the number for me personally, might be higher than any of my immediate family members combined as far as peers go. (For the record, I don't mean come off sounding like I'm bragging or like I'm some kinda "hardcase" either...)
A lot of the people I kept company with in the 1990's were like me, the hard drinking and drugging, high risk types prone to trouble and "drama". But in those early days of my youth, there were things like illnesses, accidents, the occasional homicide/suicide and freak occurrence. It was later on in my late twenties and into my thirties when the bodies really started to pile up and it got to the point where I stopped going to to funerals and wakes and all that cause they were depressing and I was sick of going to them, as selfish as it sounds, I didn't care who it was at that point anymore.
A lot of the people I kept company with in the 1990's were like me, the hard drinking and drugging, high risk types prone to trouble and "drama". But in those early days of my youth, there were things like illnesses, accidents, the occasional homicide/suicide and freak occurrence. It was later on in my late twenties and into my thirties when the bodies really started to pile up and it got to the point where I stopped going to to funerals and wakes and all that cause they were depressing and I was sick of going to them, as selfish as it sounds, I didn't care who it was at that point anymore.
Back in 2005, I believe it was, I met and hung out for a couple hours with Bob Noxious at a show in Santa Cruz, CA. In the early 1980's, Bob and his band, The Fuck Ups were one of, if not the most notorious bands in the San Francisco hardcore punk scene, and one of the most despised among some of their more "politically correct" detractors. I was completely sober at the time, and Bob wasn't drinking either, but I had asked him a few questions about the early punk days back in SF (I was really excited to meet Bob as I had been a huge fan of The Fuck Ups for years. Bob was genuinely flattered and really surprised when I mentioned that I had some live bootleg recordings from his early days. I offered to make him copies and we exchanged phone numbers but he never returned my calls) One of the questions I had asked was what what he ended up doing after The Fuck Ups disbanded, and he replied that he had taken off to Oregon and had been living practically in isolation in the woods for a few years, and when I asked why, he said, "Cause everybody started dying, man... It was fucking depressing".
Bob passed away on Christmas Eve of 2008 of liver failure. Looking back on that night, I recall that he had a whole bunch of joints in the front pocket of his shirt that he was smoking pretty much one after the other, so I'm guessing he was in pretty bad shape even back then.
I guess I bring up that meeting and interaction, because I can relate in my own way with Bob's sentiments on the subject
Bob passed away on Christmas Eve of 2008 of liver failure. Looking back on that night, I recall that he had a whole bunch of joints in the front pocket of his shirt that he was smoking pretty much one after the other, so I'm guessing he was in pretty bad shape even back then.
I guess I bring up that meeting and interaction, because I can relate in my own way with Bob's sentiments on the subject
The one thing above all else that I cannot stand when people die is the living! It's truly astonishing, low and pathetic how so many people turn someones passing into an excuse or opportunity for attention, undeserved sympathy or some other form of narcissistic bullshit. I don't know how many times I've seen someone post on their social networking page after someone dies some sort of psychotic, melodramatic spew or a "RIP [insert name]" post followed by some shallow rambling, after which they receive sometimes dozens of "sorry for your loss, call me if you need anything" type responses and then have the nerve to thank these people like they were actually blood-related and actually sitting around bawling... And what chaps me about it is knowing that these shallow, self-absorbed fucks were really nothing more than casually acquainted with the deceased, and in reality were maybe on a "hello" basis with them at shows, or the occasional party, not like they shared a genuine or sincere friendship that justifies those kind of posts. I just find it to be rather tacky and in bad taste. (I'm well aware that I'm not exactly the "poster child" for decorum and good taste, but even I know there some things that should be recognized)
I believe the proper decorum, unless you were close friends that spent actual real quality time together on a regular basis, is to post on the page of the deceased something like a, "RIP, deepest condolences to the family" or something along those lines. I recall the last person I knew that passed (as of this present time) was about five months ago, a guy that I wasn't extremely close with, but we were friends and were former coworkers at a local music venue. Anyway, he OD'ed on heroin in late June, and I learned of it via Facebook from a post by a mutual "friend" who's a known drama queen that I preferred to keep at arms length back then and sure as fuck want nothing to do with now. Anyway, my friend OD'ed up in Denver, and this guy that posted was laying out the drama, with shit like "Fuck Heroin" & "Denver, what have you done to my friend!!!"... Fucking loser. Dude didn't even show up to the memorial. People suck.
I believe the proper decorum, unless you were close friends that spent actual real quality time together on a regular basis, is to post on the page of the deceased something like a, "RIP, deepest condolences to the family" or something along those lines. I recall the last person I knew that passed (as of this present time) was about five months ago, a guy that I wasn't extremely close with, but we were friends and were former coworkers at a local music venue. Anyway, he OD'ed on heroin in late June, and I learned of it via Facebook from a post by a mutual "friend" who's a known drama queen that I preferred to keep at arms length back then and sure as fuck want nothing to do with now. Anyway, my friend OD'ed up in Denver, and this guy that posted was laying out the drama, with shit like "Fuck Heroin" & "Denver, what have you done to my friend!!!"... Fucking loser. Dude didn't even show up to the memorial. People suck.
I'm not even gonna get into the drama and chaos, not to mention the legalities and all that regarding families, estates and wills, that's a whole other complicated mess better left to the "experts" and those paid and qualified to deal with things of that nature.
So if I you were to ask me how many people have I known that have died? Honestly? I really don't know for sure. It's not like I've ever kept a tally or anything, but there's been quite a lot, that, I can definitely say for sure, and it doesn't seem to end. Not that I expect it to either. I've pretty much accepted death as a part of life without any morbid or silly inclinations toward it. Sure, I find it fascinating just like most people, I enjoy cemeteries, I like looking at dead bodies, I respect human life, although I have certain attitudes toward certain humans and their behaviors but I don't wanna get carried away on a mega-tangent here. I'm well aware that there's a lot of horrible things that happen on a daily basis in this world, but there's a lot of beauty and wonderful things that happen too. I know for some, they're just born to fall by the wayside and fall into the muck, it's unfortunate, but for most of us, it's all about choices and what we decide to do with it these moments. And yes, I'm sure there's motherfuckers that may read this and want to attack me just for saying what I just said, but you know what? They can eat a dick. They have a choices too. Do or Die!
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